I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
