This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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