So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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