You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
