Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
