forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
