3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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