that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
