i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
