I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
