Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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