I'm eating all of the evidence.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
there is glitter all over my balls
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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