Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
too bad you live with your parents still
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
