i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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