In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
