I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
