Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
