She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
