Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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