I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i dont even know how to be here
How's work?
Spinning.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
