if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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