the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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