when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
