just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
