i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
