Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
