Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
my liver is dry heaving
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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