it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
