god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
