your parents love me but you hate me
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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