You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
