just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
