Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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