M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We left the knife in your bed.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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