I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Is Oprah even human
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
