Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
