You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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