loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
