dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
