yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
