Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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