she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
