I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
