Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
