and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
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