My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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