Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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