"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
