Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
