You're completely useless in the revolution.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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